Frequently Asked Questions

Keep in mind that Giftedness is exceptionality in human nature and counseling is a normative, psychological service for people presenting behaviors outside what is psychologically deemed appropriate. This is an inherent problem because a person of exceptional nature, deviant from the norm, with characteristics in the extreme will receive the normative response that they need counseling.

A gifted person may need counseling in a general sense, requiring some guidance or direction on how to deal with issues of being unique and exceptional but it is important to understand what giftedness really is when considering counseling. If a counselor is only trained in a normative perspective and sees deviant, exceptional characteristics as requiring fixing, the gifted individual may be pressured to fit in, damaging their true nature.

When a gifted person is struggling it is important to start the process of understanding the nature of giftedness and seek appropriate help that will assess in a complex way what their challenges are about and how they can develop and grow as a person.

Perfectionism is a descriptive characteristic used very commonly in regards to being gifted and probably the most misunderstood of them all. People tend to view perfectionism as a specific characteristic of a personality.

From our perspective, perfectionism is an indication that a person has a real challenge in how they are going to execute their exceptional vision, idea, concept, etc., in practical reality. This discrepancy in production has to do with the asynchronous nature of a person and the developmental and physiological challenges of executing abilities (capability), which results in an emotional, frustrated response labeled as perfectionism. For gifted children, they believe that they have the skills required to create their vision but developmentally they may not. This can lead to self-criticism and feelings of failure.

The real issue becomes helping the gifted child/person understand what they are really struggling with when they have a “short-circuit experience” in response to not being able to execute their vision. Look at the patterns involved when feeling frustrated, and what skills are required on tasks so the person has an appropriate assessment of the issue and can work on developing the skills necessary to make things actually perfect.

I’m not very good at fixing the engine in my car but I’m exceptionally good at decorating my living room.

I’m not very good at electrical wiring but under the right circumstance I’m a mathematical genius.

I’m not very good at doing research papers but people say my creative writing is outstanding.

In these situations we are talking about the application of specific abilities, not necessarily one’s general intelligence. These situations, as well as homework, refers to ability compared to capability or what is termed the Achievement gap. A person may have the ability to think, understand, and create but they do not have the capability or the application of ability to produce at the same level. The underlying nature of this gap is how the neurophysiological developmental nature of a person, and their unique abilities are being developed and different aspects of their physiological profile are integrating over time.

For a gifted individuals, they may have high levels of interest in particular areas, which activates the executive functioning skills they need to perform certain tasks, and in another situation, context, subject matter, their performance may be subpar. Such a discrepancy requires understanding of the nature of giftedness and assessment regarding the developmental profile of a person and how they are being developed in relation to the world they live in; i.e. from class to class, activity to activity.

Ultimately it needs to be understood that Giftedness is not about doing everything well all the time but having the challenges of human nature in extremes.

What is boredom? Boredom is typically a symptom of a person’s inability to activate their prefrontal cortex, their executive functions, their ability to initiate in the world and engage in activity, learning, behavior and expression. In essence, to be self-directed in life.

When a gifted child says they are bored, people automatically jump to the conclusion that the child is under challenged, under stimulated and needs acceleration. Although there are a percentage of gifted children that acceleration is absolutely necessary, there is a larger percentage that boredom indicates an inability to deal with the “mundane”, which has to do with their executive functioning and effectively execute abilities. If there is a history of repeated boredom in certain areas then it may be necessary to assess how much of the issue is acceleration needs and how much is symptomatic of a possible undiagnosed learning issue.

Unfortunately, if only acceleration is utilized, it runs the risk of putting a child in a situation that only exacerbates the challenges or vulnerabilities with learning and does not develop an appropriate scaffold for the problem. The reverse can be true as well in not providing the child with what they need to be encouraged.

There are myriad reasons a child explodes and if these explosions are creating an unmanageable level of distress in your life as a parent and the child’s life then the first thing that needs to be done is to get some professional help. There is a tendency to justify “dysregulated expressions” in a psychologically normative way when they could be the result of multiple factors (physiological, biochemical, development, etc.). Talk to us or another professional to rule out what the explosions are really a symptom of.

It is difficult to prescribe clinical advice without understanding the nature of the issue (frequency, intensity, root cause) and even more difficult to provide a quick fix to an issue that has created such distress. In some cases, the dysregulation indicates that a child’s prefrontal cortex has shut down and the child cannot control their amygdala, thus they are unable to manage their emotional reactions. Attempts at that point to get them to “behave” will be met with failure. The most important thing is to make sure the child is safe in these situations and get professional help to determine the underlying cause.

Typically, what parents are struggling with in regards to this question is this: "I'm being challenged with the diaganosis of autism in my child. The behaviors I'm experiencing seem so strange and I don't know what else to call it." 

Gifted behavior can be affected by many different variables, but one that people can miss is the high level of reasoning that comes with a gifted child.  Their behavior, in their world, makes perfect sense.  There's almost nothing our practice hasn't seen before. 

Our goal is to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of your gifted child in the appropriate context.  When you understand what is giftedness, what is physiological, what is psychological, and what is developmental you can begin to have a clearer picture into a child's actions. 

Therapy rarely creates issues that don't already exist. That being said, it can be scary to enter into a process that's entire purpose is to shed the light on what variables might be missing in the understanding of the problem. As Andy Mahoney says, "Fear is desire." What scares us, might be the thing we wish for the most. Without change, nothing changes.  Facing what's in front of you, and not what you wish was in front of you alongside the help of trained professionals can free those who feel stuck in systems that don't work. 

Self-doubt among parents is bad enough when children aren't developmental outliers. Our reminder to you is that while your child may or may not be yours genetically, the person who they are, the struggles they deal with, and their experience of life is their's alone.  We tell parents constantly that you could be on the cover of 'Parents' magazine, and your child would still be facing the same issues.  

If you feel the need to blame yourself, you are experiencing a symptom that is directly tied to having little understanding of the issues being presented.  With proper context, evaluation, and eventual understanding a process starts to emerge.  A process that has tangible steps and supports.  This pathway forward is what breeds hope.  And when there's hope, there's less room for playing the blame-game. I’m not very good at fixing the engine in my car but I’m exceptionally good at decorating my living room.

I’m not very good at electrical wiring but under the right circumstance I’m a mathematical genius.

I’m not very good at doing research papers but people say my creative writing is outstanding.

In these situations we are talking about the application of specific abilities, not necessarily one’s general intelligence. These situations, as well as homework, refers to ability compared to capability or what is termed the Achievement gap. A person may have the ability to think, understand, and create but they do not have the capability or the application of ability to produce at the same level. The underlying nature of this gap is how the neurophysiological developmental nature of a person, and their unique abilities are being developed and different aspects of their physiological profile are integrating over time.

For a gifted individuals, they may have high levels of interest in particular areas, which activates the executive functioning skills they need to perform certain tasks, and in another situation, context, subject matter, their performance may be subpar. Such a discrepancy requires understanding of the nature of giftedness and assessment regarding the developmental profile of a person and how they are being developed in relation to the world they live in; i.e. from class to class, activity to activity.

Ultimately it needs to be understood that Giftedness is not about doing everything well all the time but having the challenges of human nature in extremes.

When parents, co-parents, or partners are not on the same page as to what the child needs, then our job becomes how we help the willing parties find a way forward.  Learning to focus on what you can control and understanding your own impact goes a long way in creating change. 

Given the complex nature of gifted children, the lack of proper research available, and a limited number of professionals who do this work, it can be quite a challenge to help everyone understand what's going on in the appropriate context. 

Our array of services can target which part of the system needs the most support.  Perhaps it's a matter of education. Perhaps a matter of reframing.  Or perhaps there needs to be more assessment before all are on board.  Whatever the case, the buck stops with us.  Our work is to help everyone swim in the same direction as to what is best for your child. 

Nice try. 

A child's refusal to attend therapy is diagnostic in and of itself.  These variables don't change our process or how we attend to your needs.  If the child is not developmental ready or able to engage in a therapeutic process, our work then begins with you.  How to help you manage a child who's not in a place to receive the help they need.  

When parent's feel empowered to understand the situation, then everything changes. Afterall, that's what we're after: change.  Don't let this stop you from engaging in finding support.  It takes a village.